My Dearest Allie,

Oscar Wilde : "When a love comes to an end, weaklings cry, efficient ones instantly find another love, and the wise already have one in reserve."
I read this quote and all I could think of was "Damn am I that weakling? Did I not deserve your love?" From the moment I thought I knew what love was I tried to define it in everyone I came across; that is until I met you. There was something about the mere essence of you that made me change my views which I thought was absolutely impossible. I could never understand how I fell so quick or how I managed to let you in without my own knowledge. Now and days I feel like its my own Karma coming back at me for pretending with all others instead of waiting and trying to build and prepare myself for you but I guess at the time that was impossible. Never knew to prepare myself for the inevitable love which was the most powerful feeling that I have ever felt. I remember the ending and the tears and how my world crumbled at my own hands and there was nothing I could do. I couldn't find the words to erase it nor did I know the actions needed to save it so I stood emotion less like a child being scolded and let the cookies crumbled where ever they had chosen. I mean what was I to do scream? Yell? All at the cost of what soar lungs and still a broken heart which couldn't tackle the complexity of the shield you put up to keep me out! To this day I still thing of tactics or obstacles I could have done differently but the truth of the matter is it wouldn't have done anything.
The worst part now is knowing you're happily in love and I'm still stuck finding someone to refill the whole your presence left as if its even possible. Not tryna ruin what you have but I won't ever give up faith that we will be together again. Maybe not now maybe not a year from now but in due time because this heart of mine....it knows where its meant to be. Sadly. Its making me sick knowing someone else makes you smile, makes you laugh, touches you where I should be touching you, kissing you where I kiss you. I know it might sound crazy but believe me I know. I got a sick obsession for that treasure chest in your chest and I can't seem to live without it. I've moved on recently, well apparently not successfully considering the fact that I still think, smell, miss you. I just can't seem to contain the feelings I've once felt or muffle the sounds of your sweet I love you's though they're long gone. I miss you. I Am In Love With You.

Signed,
Forever Waiting Noah