365 Letters

Hey Allie,
"Your new man got my respect
So if I do call it's just to check
Heard that you alright though
My nigga for life though
It's funny how this life go
We love for a while then a light goes...."
-Wale

Hey its been awhile. We speak cordially but there still isn't a real solid friendship between you and me. It's funny just a few months ago i was so sure i wanted to be with you for he rest of my life but now I am kind of happy with where we are now. We aren't friends but i will always have your back....Know that! I haven't been able to tell you how proud i am with your recent improvements. I don't know if you smile more or even if you are happy but your mom says you have a 3.5 grade point average i know that makes you happy. I'm happy too. No I'm not bragging just reassuring you that i am no longer mad, angry, or bitter. I am finally able to let what we have go and i sort of kind of have you to thank for that. You always told me my heart was somewhere else and it wasn't until i really listened to my heart that i knew it was true. I love you but....I've been in love with HIM it's true. I thought i had everything in you but now i'm starting to see i fell in love with our friendship instead of our relationship. You were someone who i confided in about my darkest times and darkest days when i felt no one else could truly hear me. You used to tell me that i was still in love with him and as usual i have always been quite hard of hearing. Who would've thought losing you would have led me right back into the arms of the one i didn't expect to love me back. you are truly an angel in that aspect. You led me to the light that is him and i truly appreciate it. If it wasn't for you i would have never seen it and i would probably still be harboring my feelings and guarding my heart with a steel door as strong as a bank vault. Somehow when you checked out he checked in and and the numbers matched. My guard has disappeared and i feel.....whole. For once. I don't worry about someone prettier coming along or trailing off into the wrong path...I am actually happy.

Forgiveness is the final form of love.
-Reinhold Niebuhr

When i say i forgive you i dont mean it as you were the only one who did wrong in our relationship it takes two to tangle and i do take part of the blame. We both did things and have said things that hurt eachoter but in the end it just shows that we weren't meant for each other. I was looking for things in you that i wanted from someone else and that was my biggest mistake. I wanted you to live up to the expectations that i set for someone else instead of accepting the one i loved with all my heart for his flaws and all. It's crazy nnow when i think about it because i just through myself into us without getting to know you because maybe if i hadn't we would have become friends instead and been better of but everything happens for a reason right? You taught me a lot of things like friendship in a relationship is the most important key alongside trust and honesty. I knew these things already but my expectation of pain when entering any relationship rendered me helpless to the guard i put up to keep people out that even I didn't know how to take down. If someone were to tell me i wouldn't be spending my life with you but with the one person i left for you i wouldve claimed they were insane but you knew it. You told me it all the time but i wanted to believe you were it, you were who i was supposed to be with because you were perfect but i see now that you were meant to be someone elses perfection and i was too stupid to see that i left my perfection waiting all these years while i chased i dream that was in someone elses sleep. It's crazy, i am happy you found someone...I know i'm late on saying this but i truly am because now i see letting you go to be happy was the only way for me to open my eyes and see my perfection was just right there in front of me.

Thank You;
Noah.